01.05.18

WEIRD INTRO TO 2018

ok…time for one of those personal posts that feel maybe even a little too personal, but that’s okay sometimes. this time it’s about having kids…

i’m 31, about to turn 32 this month. in the past year, i am not sure if it’s my age, or because i met someone who i think is going to be a fantastic father, or because that’s just what happens in life, but my body has been telling me BABY BABY BABY. and my mind is also screaming AHHHHH, WHAT, NOOOO! the topic feels crazy to me. i’ve always been good with little kids, i love playing with them and making up weird games and hearing their little stories. but an infant? wow. yikes. here’s a few worries..

my main worry is the doctor. i know it sounds crazy but i have some pretty severe doctor phobias. i had some childhood traumas that led me to have irrational fears. i’ve never even had my blood drawn, you guys! when i even think about doing that, i break out in basically hives. every year it’s my goal to go do it, and then every year i just put it off. i KNOW that i have to just do it and then i’m gonna be like bri that was so dumb and easy and i can’t believe you made it that big of a deal. but i feel like i need some sort of life coach situation to get me over these fears! (actually i am doing EMDR for them right now). so yeah, huge fear and unfortunately very big part of having a baby. HELP.

i think i have all of the other normalish worries…what if i’m not ready? what if i’m not patient enough or too anxious? what if i suck at it? what if child birth hurts so bad? ouch. do i need to do anything else like to travel more or accomplish something before that?

and then the other side that tells me…you’re almost 32. maybe you should think seriously about this now. you will be fine! everyone just sorts it out when they have one. justin will be such a cute dad! it’s going to be adorable and fun and rewarding!

tell me what i’m going through is normal, please. and i am still waiting at least a year (i think. who knows anything, really)

happy new year everyone. sorry for the super weird intro to the year, but it was on my mind. xx bri

(photo by mango kids catalogue)

156 COMMENTS

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    Anonymous says:

    Before driving yourself crazy…Does he want to be a father?😊😊

    bri says:

    ha yes 🙂

    Anonymous says:

    Good. Then simply go for it. I have the same thoughts for some time, but just reading them from your side the answer seems so damn simple.. and between us.. you will not be the first mother of the world. As others overcomed obstacles. So you will too. Big kiss from Greece 🤗

    100%!!!! And then the second I found out I was pregnant my heart said, “you got this”. All that fear went buh-bye. Yeah, there are challenges and changes in pregnancy and then after in motherhood. But if you listen to your body, and her ebbs and flows, then you already know what the answer is ♥

    It’s not weird at all. I’m 32 about to turn 33 this month and I’ve had the same experience with conflicting feelings over babies. I wasn’t one that “just knew” growing up I wanted to be a mom but in the past year I’ve had waves of BABY, BABY, BABY! I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years and I know he’s the one. I also like to do my own thing and sometimes I think a baby might cramp my style, ha! Like I want to go to Japan this year. I can’t do that with a baby. I need some guidance on living a rad life with kids.

    Maryse says:

    Of course you can go to Japan with a baby! It was actually the country where we saw the most young couples travelling with kids. Its super clean, super well organized and they looove kids. We didn’t have a kid yet at the time but that holiday got me over my fear of that our travelling life would be over. Traveling with a baby is different, you can’t go out for dinner after walking around town for an entire day, and you do need to slow down your pace. But that’s okay, traveling with your kid is also so much fun! You actually interact with others a lot more then when it’s just the two of you.

    Anonymous says:

    SO NORMAL. Look in to getting a midwife instead of a doctor, you’ll still need tests but its a lot gentler. My advice I guess would be don’t overthink it, because honestly there is no way to prepare for how difficult it is having a newborn, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it passes so quickly and everything gets easier and it is hands down the best and most rewarding and joyful thing I have ever done in my life. It’s worth it all, and then some.

    Anonymous says:

    Oh and also… don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t travel with kids! It looks a little different but it can be done! I’ve just been away for over a year while my son was aged 8 months – 2 years 🙂

    Anonymous says:

    AGREED! You can so travel with kids. We did 17 days driving through Scotland in May with my 16 month old!

    rebecca says:

    2nd the midwife comment. I relate to your feelings about drs and birthed my son with a midwife this past May and for me it was the best decision. I also wasn’t someone who always knew I wanted to be a Mom and had a similar experience with my body clock or something kicking in. Becoming a mom has been the most amazing and by far rewarding and transformative experience of my life. It might sound sappy, but it’s been completely mind blowing in the best way as someone who never felt like a ‘kid’ person. xo

    Katie says:

    Hi Bri! Long time reader. Mother of two, and terribly hate doctors and giving blood. I faint easily. I managed to have two unmedicated childbirths (not bragging, just saying) because I would rather be in control than out of control, on my back with no feeling in the lower half of my body.

    Re: giving blood. I would cry, hyperventilate and faint. Here are some tips I’ve learned and now always do.
    1.) Always tell nurse you are very nervous and need to lie down. Ask them for the best person at taking blood. You do not want the beginner.
    2.) Do not look at the needle and let the nurse know that you do not want to see the needle. Nor do you want them to describe how “small” or “large” your veins are.
    3.) Have a cool water bottle handy that you can grab and press on your temples. This will help with fear of fainting.
    4.) (This is directly from the nurse that changed my life.) While lying on your back, as soon as you feel the needle go in, you should “squeeze your butt cheeks together and keep breathing.” (verbatim from nurse!!!) Do not hold your breathe, keep breathing through it. When needle is out, you can release your cheeks. 🙂
    5.) Lie there for as long as you need.

    It really works!

    I will note, giving blood isn’t really painful. It’s just a pinch, really!

    You got your nose pierced, you can do it! I can’t even do that. You will be a great mom! Looking forward to following along. xx – Katie

    bri says:

    haha thank you. i squeezed my cheeks just reading that hahaha

    Anonymous says:

    Me too 😀

    Marissa says:

    I was squeezing my butt cheeks reading the comments too 😂

    Brooke says:

    Katie’s suggestions are great. It’s the anticipation that is the worst part. I’m a major fainter! Always tell them before anything that you’re a fainter. They are used to it and know how to help. The cold water bottle is a perfect suggestion. A cold can of pop held against the back of your neck helps as well. Also no shame in a cold wet cloth over your eyes. If you can get them to let you lay down while they do it (vs sitting) even better!

    As Katie said it really just is a pinch. Getting my now everything pierced was WAS more faint triggering 🤦🏻‍♀️
    I don’t think it’s even about the pain but overthinking what they are doing. I’m an expert in the fainting department. It happened both times I had bandages removed from my arm after surgery. Nothing even poking me involved! lol point being it happens to the best of us and it’s basically out of your control.

    Brooke says:

    Somehow “nose pierced” autocorrected to “now everything” Lol

    Kelly says:

    Excellent tips! I’m also needle-phobic, and I can really second the lying down tip- once I did that it really changed the whole experience for the better. You can do it!

    Kirsten says:

    One of my daughters has had a very hard time having blood drawn. Ditto on the laying back, the experienced nurse. Also, she has been told to drink a bottle or so of water before. I don’t remember why, just makes it easier if you are more hydrated. XO

    lola says:

    Fellow needle phobe here. I have been terrified of needles my entire life. Shots, giving blood, etc. I recently started having regular blood tests about every three months and slowly I am overcoming my phobia at 30yo. It can be done ! I think part of what has helped me is that I have to do it consistently so each time I go I realize it’s not that bad, and the frequency helps me remember that and not get lost in my anxiety.

    bri says:

    the first time feels like i am going to jump off a building!!!

    Kay Be says:

    I get it! I’m turning 33 in Feb and I’m freaking out about having kids. I’m having a hard time figuring out if I want to have a child because I think it is the right path for me or because everyone else has one so it seems like I should too? It just seems scary. Babies scare me. Body changes scare me. Doctors scare me. Am I too big of a baby to even have a baby? I really wished I was the type of person who always knew they wanted to a parent.

    bri says:

    SAME, GIRL!!!

    Anonymous says:

    ughhh!!!! all of this. me too. i wish there wasn’t an age inspired expiration date that seems to loom over us all.

    Felicity says:

    Literally me. I’m 31 and don’t feel that urge in my mind/body to have a baby that other women have described. I wonder how much of my anxiety about making a decision is on social expectations, but also I worry if I don’t have one I’ll be missing out on something or I’ll regret it when it’s too late.

    Reasons I’m not super keen is i have a rad life with my partner of 9 years, great jobs, great lifestyle, we go out heaps and travel A LOT, so I don’t want to have to change that.

    Ech! That clock!

    Larissa says:

    Midwife is the way to go! I’m 31 never wanted to have kids but that changed with my partner. It’s freaking tough but amazing. No ones ever ready cause it changes everything and constantly changes. If you want it just do it

    Lisa says:

    Hey! 30, turning 31 in march! Same worries here but also am afraid of not being able of taking care of a baby as I suffer from depression and the past year has been a monumental punch in the throat. Like, I don’t want to be that type of mom that once in a while needs her “days off” and hides in her bed behind closed doors. Then again, maybe kids would help?! All I can say is that it sucks being a women entering her 30’s and hearing your womb cry for attention! Maybe chill out and enjoy a nice trip around the world with your man and when you come back you don’t feel like you’re missing out?!

    Billie says:

    So I just turned 30 and I’m 38 weeks pregnant. 😬 I always knew I wanted to have kids but when the time came to actually HAVE kids I was like really? Right now? I’m not ready. Then I got pregnant and I was like really? I’m still not ready! Haha, no as I’m at the point where I can literally go into labor at any moment I feel like I still cant wrap my head around it. But we have the hospital bag packed, the nursery is set up, I have all the cute tiny diapers and onesies… and I think deep down I know that everything is going to be fine. I’m pretty sure no one is ever FULLY ready to have a baby and that’s okay. I have a super sweet & supportive husband, a good job, a happy home and I think that’s all you need. I remember being at the point where i thought okay I can wait one more year before trying and I friend told me that sometimes it takes a year just to GET pregnant in the first place. So that was my motivation to start trying, haha. We kept it simple, said if it happens it happens, and it did!

    Lynne says:

    Bri, I also had severe childhood fears about the doctor and needles. When I was pregnant I had gestational diabetes and had to test my blood many times a day. Guess what, I’m not afraid of needles any more! Don’t let fear get in the way of having a baby, because believe me, you will get over doctor and needle fear when you have to face it over and over. That said, having a baby is big. I always think you should listen to your soul, your gut is telling you what to do. It’s just fear that gets in the way. Isn’t it that way with everything big you do? If you don’t listen to your instincts things never go as well but when you do everything falls into place. Good luck with your decision! I think you’d be a great mom, but you’re also great right now too. You don’t need a baby to be complete, but if your gut is telling you it’s time, then maybe you should listen!

    Tracy says:

    Agree with Lynne:). Trust your gut, bon’t let fear hold you back from starting a family. You will be a great mom, and know that you have a loving and supportive partner/family. Mom of 2 here (6 and 4). Heard this on a program: “Having kids is embracing a life you can’t control.” If you can acknowledge that it will get messy, but you have so many people rooting for you who’ve got your back, you’re ready.

    Sarah says:

    I haaaaate needles, to the point that I would pass out every time I had my blood drawn.
    When I got pregnant I was worried about all the needles too. But damn, my body went through so much stuff that the needles were like nbd. I also kept telling myself that I was gonna be a mom and that kinda helped me super hero through them. If you did get pregnant you’d be a dope mama!

    Joanna says:

    Girl, I don’t think anyone is ever ready for being a parent. I’m a little younger than you but I just had my first kid and it’s so hard, but so worth it. I don’t think you could ever regret bringing a little babe into this world. Pregnancy and birth are weird and scary but you rise to the occasion and are able to do it! Go for it. It will change your life for the better.💛

    Chelsea says:

    I chose to start a family with my love 3 months after meeting him. I knew I wanted kids since I was a kid. As soon as I got pregnant I realized how much more work i was going to have to put into everything to get to places like where you are in life, and that realization sucked. For about a year and a half. Even the realization that I only got 3 good months of alone time with the man who became my husband sucked. But one day I learned to let go of everything that was on the other side of what I could have, and things got better. We learned the special nights don’t always have to be at a cool restaurant, but on your own patio with the baby monitor sitting next to the bottle of wine.
    You are in a great place in life to be having a baby in my opinion! Your career has already taken off and if anything, sponsorship will get even better and mean more to you because a lot of it will have to do with the baby. I think the Hendrix family, Oh Joy, and Sarah Sherman Samuel have done a great job showing that creativity and travel are still possible and able to thrive even with kids! Whatever you choose, happiness is there! And labor is painful but nothing you cannot handle❤️❤️

    Krystal P says:

    One option is to have a midwife so you don’t have to go into the Drs office. I have 2 kids now and had a midwife both times and it was the best thing ever! Way more intimate and friendly and they made me feel so comfortable and even did some home visits. I hate getting my blood drawn and they let me lay on a couch with snacks and water and i played relaxing music. It was a lot more personal and i had a lot of freedom to choose how i wanted everything to go. Some midwives you can even have with you at the hospital if you want a hospital birth. It was the best. And it is intimidating to think about ALL the things but your body knows what it needs and when the time comes you will totally champ it.

    Kara says:

    I was the same about needles, but now that I get my blood drawn every 6 weeks, it’s manageable! The first one is the worst for sure. My sister is a chiropractor and she told me to wiggle my toes when I’d get my neck adjusted so I’m thinking about something else and not tense, I do this with blood draws too! LOL Just be open & they will take care of you! I still don’t look at the needle 4 years in, but it does get easier with time 🙂
    Please do go get a check up, your health is too important 🙂

    Liz says:

    Before I had my little guy (he’s 9 months now) I had some of the exact same worries. Not gonna lie, it was hard! And still is, but the joy and meaning he brings to our lives is so worth it. I just can’t even explain how wonderful it is.

    Liz says:

    I’m 34 by the way 🙂

    Paige says:

    I had all the same fears and then I got pregnant by accident. I sucked it up and was brave (mostly because I had to be) and it completely changed the way I feel about myself. Even 3 years later, I have a voice inside my head that says “YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS” instead of, “what if…”

    Hipsister says:

    YESSSSSS!!! I haven’t met a single mother who is always patient or always calm. You don’t need to be perfect! The two of you share so much love with each other, that lil bub would be so loved and adored. That being said, I’m constantly flipping back and forth with wanting them.

    The answer will come in time!

    Alina says:

    Ok just about every woman feels this way at this time in her life because that is our BIOLOGY. Does that mean that every woman should have a baby at 31?? No! Definitely you should want it on more than an emotional level because children are a LIFETIME of work… if you think an infant is hard, try 2 year old, 3 year old, teenager, etc etc etc it goes on forever. This is not necessarily a concept I understood before having children myself but I did feel “ready” for what I thought the responsibility would be (what I learned is we are all basically grossly unprepared no matter what). Having kids is amazing and it’s hard to know when the time is right but definitely give it serious thought and make sure your partner feels the same, if you can.

    Alina says:

    Sorry for the caps haha!! Do not mean it to be scary at all- I think it’s a persobal decision and no one can tell you when the time is right for you. Best of luck 🙂

    Margo says:

    I always thought the same until When I actually was ready I realized getting pregnant isn’t easy as it sounds. Infertility is very real and very common where even if your ready doesn’t mean your body will be on the same page. I am struggling to get pregnant now that I’m ready and starting to regret if I should have started a lot earlier.

    Anonymous says:

    I second or third the midwife option! I too hate doctors, I am very skeptical and untrusting of them. I loved having a midwife because it was so personal. My midwife explained every procedure that had to be done, and if she didn’t think it was necessary then we didn’t do it. Our appointments were never rushed and so it gave me a chance to ask questions and voice my fears. By the time I was ready to give birth it felt like she was part of my family and I cried at my last appointment because I didn’t want to leave her!

    Morgan says:

    So normal!! My particular fears were of morning sickness and the birth. I was really, really afraid. But then at some point my wanting to have a baby started to outweigh the fears. I’m not gonna lie, the things I was scared of did turn out to be really scary, but I learned I also have magical mama strength that kicked in and got me through it! And now that I have my baby, all the scary stuff was soooooo worth it. Your magical mama powers will kick in too, making it all do-able even if it seems impossible now, before those magical powers have kicked in. I promise!

    Susan says:

    This is so normal!! I think you will be just fine. I didn’t plan on having a baby, my husband and I just got pregnant – surprise! I was 30. I cried because I didn’t feel prepared, but you adjust. You take it as it comes. It is wonderful and worth it all. It changes you and you grow like any milestone in life. But this one is like no other!! You will begin to focus on the baby and its life instead of your own, and I think that can be very healthy personally! The real party starts after the birth! Best of luck to you

    Lindsey Martin says:

    So. Once you’re preggers, you’ll do ANYTHING for the health of your child. Once preggers, you’ll put your fear aside because NO GOOD PARENT is selfish enough not to check out your blood. Sounds harsh, but it’s true. I def recommend a Midwife! They (can be, so search for many) as organic as you want. I’d say start with “Birthing Centers”….I had my first two sons with NO drugs and NO ivs! My 3rd, I had to get induced…so I did have ivs.

    2. There is no magic number for a kid. It’s knowing and embracing a COMPLETELY SELFLESS LIFE. Like, you’ll never poop alone again. Yup. Never. You’ll have to embrace pulling breasts out because your baby needs to eat damn it! You’ll never sleep sound again. Motherhood = Selfless Sacrifice With all that, you’ll never feel MORE proud, protective, and fulfilled ever. That’s pretty hard to say and believe UNLESS YOU ARE A MOTHER.

    3. This ain’t about Justin. You won’t be going through pregnancy because he’ll be a good dad and you should give him a baby. No gurl No. This is about YOU giving your body, mind, and soul. Justin will be there to help/coach/cry with you.

    4. To help you over your doctor fear (please find a midwife) and check this out to mentally walk through your future stages of life.

    Mallory says:

    Having a child is BIZARRE. I accidentally had one, hahah. We weren’t ready. We were both very stable adults with great careers, a fun life (we got pregnant in Prague, if that tells you anything), and a healthy relationship. We were scared, not ready and really worried about it for about the whole 9 months. Then she came! And she’s amazing and kisses my eyelashes and holds my hand. She’s insane, too, but it doesn’t matter. Is being a mother hard? Yes. Do I regret it? No. It’s beautiful and my life is so full in a completely different way than before – and better. We still travel, go to dinners, see friends and have a healthy relationship. I don’t think it’s possible to be completely ready. Go for it. It’s the best and you’d be a wonderful mother! ❤️

    Becs says:

    I say go for it! There’s no time like the present and sometimes it can take a while to conceive. Don’t worry about whether or not you’ll be good enough because the fact of the matter is, of course you will be! Your motherly instincts will kick in the second that baby is born and as long as you surround it with love, care and affection, that’s all that really matters. I suffer from anxiety and have a newborn. I think he’s actually made it better for me to deal with it in a way. He melts my heart everytime I look at him. You’ll be a great mum! Everything happens for a reason, so give it a shot and what is meant to be will be 🙂 xxx

    M says:

    Nobody is ever “ready” to be a parent.. and you can do all the traveling in the world and it will still feel like you haven’t travelled enough.. you just have to dive in! I was terrified of the blood work but just had to put on my big girl pants when it came to it.. And have a great doctor who’s on the same page as you!
    I had an amazing doctor (who’s actually in the L.A. area) who I can’t praise enough, she was truly a gem through both my pregnancies and childbirth.
    Also, let’s not forget that the actual “baby making” is the fun part! 😉😃

    Carly says:

    You should get a midwife if it’s available to you! I had one for my pregnancy (I’m in Canada though) and it was fantastic as it elevated the stresses of having a doctor as they are so much more kind and gentle and just overall better (IMO, of course)

    Also you are 1000% normal!! Never let any mommy blog tell you otherwise 😉

    Katy says:

    I was going to suggest a midwife as well for *alleviating* doctor phobias (not elevate – I’m pretty sure that’s what Carla meant). The midwife route is super chill and don’t poke and prod you like doctors do. You still have to pee in a cup at every appointment which is annoying but at least they don’t want to inspect your vagina every time they see you like doctors do (which is so weird and ew). And if you want to avoid the hospital altogether, then you can choose to give birth in a birth center which is a home-like environment. But then you can’t have an epidural. I gave birth without drugs and was happy to do so but that’s a personal preference. It’s good to overthink something like this because you can never take it back!

    Joy says:

    On that note about doctors. I’d strongly look into a midwife! This is our second baby due any week now, with a midwife and it’s not a hokey thing or only for those extremely granola women that love everything natural. Midwives are so in tune with WOMEN and we plan to have all our babies at birthing centers… b/c of many reasons but a huge reason is not getting pushed through the shuffle of a doctors office. You can wait (and the wait is usually MUCH shorter than a doctors office) in peace and the atmosphere is more relaxing. The midwives give you so much more time than a doctor would. Reading your post… I just IMMEDIATELY though… midwife. Good Luck!

    Anonymous says:

    I hate dealing with doctors (and western medicine in general ) so I strongly suggest a MIDWIFE & a DOULA 🙂 the perfect team – I am also having my baby in a birthing centre (a lovely middle point between a hospital and having it at home ) also …. you have plenty of time ! Many women have children up until 40

    Joy says:

    Oh, and if you want that extra feeling of being taken care of (especially for a first time possible mom)… get a Doula!! They were worth EVERY penny!

    chelsea breanna says:

    Something must be going on because this has been weighing on my mind a lot lately too. I’m 31 and have been with my guy for almost 10 years now (when I write it out it seems crazy to me, but I also realize how incredibly lucky I am for this). As someone who has gone almost her whole adult life without a dedicated doctor this fact alone is something that makes me nervous. Who to choose with something as important as bringing a child into the world?? Also, I have just recently gone off birth control for health reasons unrelated to preventing a pregnancy… this might be my biggest worry. As someone who struggles daily with self acceptance & emotional issues, postpartum is my biggest deterrent. How could I care for a baby if I might not be able to even care for myself? All my friends & relatives are getting pregnant & I want to do it for our reasons, instead of this crazy world we live in where outside influences seem to carry more importance than they should.

    Thanks for being real, Bri.

    Chloe says:

    Girl, fellow FREAK about needles. But once I was pregnant, it was so much easier to put that fear aside to take care of bub. What really helped me too was getting my blood drawn by the same nurse – we developed a routine & I felt like I could trust her.

    As for being ready, it’ll never happen. There’s always something else you could do, see, accomplish – what I loved was thinking about doing all those things WITH my kiddo, not that my life would come to a grinding halt once she was here. & now we travel all over with her. She’s 2.5 & she’s been all over the US, Paris, Australia x3. It’s so fun & rewarding to do life with her.

    All that stuff that you think you’re lacking, it’s all there. It’s just waiting for the perfect little human to wake it up. Trust.

    Abby says:

    I always had a major phobia of childbirth, I have a low threshold for pain so I always worried that I just couldn’t do it, however I’ve also always loved children and a mother was the #1 thing I wanted to be in life! Now it’s 2 in the afternoon and I’ve got one babe asleep on my boob and my toddler drifting off beside us. Once you’re pregnant you will have the strength to do it all because you’re doing it for the baby you’re growing inside you, not just for yourself.

    CherryBomb says:

    Hey beautiful. I’m 32 and had same doubts for years…fears…what if this, what if that. Talked to my bestie about it a lot. And we decided together-let’s just do it! That was in November and right now we’re both 2 months pregnant <3 can't even describe how crazy and beautiful it feels. Of course, not all days are great, sometimes i'm so anxious, most of the time want to puke when i see food, etc etc..but once it happens,you forget it all and just take care of your pregnancy and think about whats going on in your body with the biggest smile on your face. Now i maybe feel sorry i havent done it before, when i was younger. Because you're never really ready til it happens. So trust me,just go with it! Nothing is perfect, no time is perfect, but that little creature will surely be perfect – TO YOU <3 love and hugs from your reader from Croatia 🙂

    Emily says:

    Not to be a complete downer, but infertility should be a consideration. I am 31 and have never had any health issues but we have been trying to get pregnant for over a year and a half with no luck. I am about to start my first round of IVF after multiple other failed treatments. The sad truth is that with fertility treatments you are at the doctor WAY more. I have to get my blood taken at least 2x/month and that doesn’t include any other tests they do to figure out why you can’t get pregnant. My advice would be to make sure everything else is fine in that area so when you are ready to start trying, you are somewhat prepared. For example, get an ovarian reserve test done so they can estimate how many eggs you have left. It’s A LOT, but infertility is SO hard and the only thing you can control is starting the process as early as possible. I truly hope this is not you, but I would keep the possibility on your radar.

    Maddy says:

    Without discounting your very normal and rational worries, I and every other mother out there will tell you, you’re never truly ready and there’s no right time! So throw that term out of the window. The thing I realized this year is how very personal motherhood is and different for every single woman, which is precisely the thing that has made me incredibly joyful (even in the worry and upside-down-ness of the first year/first child). You can choose to embark on motherhood, but you can never choose to leave it, it becomes the best part of you. Somehow everything comes together perfectly in a new life you never could have imagined and then you can’t imagine living without it.

    Reyna says:

    Okay I didn’t read the other comments so hopefully I don’t repeat anything, but I feel ya! I just had my first baby and here are some things I learned:

    1. Blood drawing is way less than you think! They only did it once. My husband held my hand and talked to me the whole time and it helped tremendously.

    2. If doctors make you uncomfortable, find a really good midwife. Mine were in the same group as some wonderful OB/GYNs, so they had that extra expertise if needed, but the midwives made the experience incredible. They take longer with their patients, so I felt like we were building a great friendship/relationship with them and we trusted them completely. They soothed all my fears and when the time came for the baby, they were with us from the moment we stepped into the hospital. Most doctors are only there for the actual delivery. The first midwife labored with me and helped me make important decisions. When her 12 hour shift was up, the next one came in and guided me so beautifully through the delivery.

    3. I am so scared of needles but the pain of labor was a bit much for me and it turned out to be the best decision. You can’t see it or feel it when they do it and the pain was immediately gone and replaced by a peace that came into the room. It sounds weird, but pushing the baby out was fun! It didn’t hurt at all and was so so fun to see her hair and then head come out in the mirror they set up.

    4. I would worry more about AFTER the baby is born. Holy smokes I don’t think anything can prepare you for the exhaustion.

    5. I would recommend reading Nurture by Erica Chidi Cohen

    6. Build a tribe to support you during pregnancy and after. Older moms who know what to do about everything and new moms who are in the same place you are and know what you are feeling. This will save you when you are breastfeeding (if you do!) and when you face the baby blues or maybe even postpartum.

    7. If you breastfeed, take a breastfeeding class. I recommend Lactation Link on insta. They helped me hugely. Breastfeeding and skin to skin helped me so much with PPD. I could literally feel it float away as I laid with my baby on me, feeding her. We’d take baths together when it got hard and that was also a lifesaver.

    Anyways, that was way too much info I’m sure, but this has been quite the journey and I love sharing because other ladies sharing saved me! Good luck! I’ve followed your blog and insta for forever, so it’s exciting to see this fun new step you’re thinking about!

    Reyna says:

    #3 is about an epidural haha

    Leah says:

    Girl, I just had a baby last year, and let me tell you, if you feel like it’s time, go for it. It’s been the most incredible, challenging, rewarding thing to experience. That urge you feel may not even be biology, but your babies soul telling you he/she is ready! Open yourself up and trust your intuition!

    Anna Michelle says:

    I have lived my whole life with a huge fear of needles and doctors, and also had a somewhat traumatic experience with the two as a kid. I would have panic attacks just at the thought of having to get a shot, well into my early twenties. It’s been a long process of really desconstructing my phobias, but I’m working at it! About a year ago, I had a moment of remorse when I realized that I had an opportunity to help people by donating blood, that I had been avoiding just because I was afraid. I felt so thankful for my health, and starting working towards the goal of being able to donate blood. It took months, but this past September I did it, and it felt amazing! Don’t let people tell you “it isn’t a big deal”, because it is a modern miracle of science! But I also felt like it was a miracle that I was even able to sit in the chair and do it! Then come to find out, I’m O-, so I will probably be donating blood multiple times a year.

    Moral of the story is that you are NOT alone, OR crazy. And baby steps will take you far! Best of luck, and thanks for keeping it real 🙂

    Kristen says:

    These are completely normal thoughts. Let me tell ya girl, it’s no joke having kids! Do you follow any mommies on Instagram already? Because some of those mommy accounts really tell ya daily how it is! I’ve got two boys 18 months apart. There was nothing to prepare me for what it would be like. I love my boys and adore our family, but I’m still not sure about it all! 😱🤦🏼‍♀️ Early infancy is 😬😬😬 also depends on the temperament of your child. I know some kids who sit strapped in car seats all day, mine wouldn’t let you put them down for a second. Both of “us” mommy and daddy are low energy people, we have high energy/demanding kids. It’s a real adjustment.

    Colleen M Clark says:

    My mom gave me the best advice recently. I was talking about how I know deep down that I’d like to be a mom but the idea of an infant makes me feel claustrophobic and terrified that I’ll feel bored and trapped.

    I LOVE toddlers and little kids – I love their imaginations, seeing them grow into little personalities, discover the world, etc But the idea of infants, all the needs and limits and restraints, terrifies me.

    My mom responded by asking if I love every aspect and every month of my job? Obviously the answer is no. “But you still do it because the ups and downs over time have led to a career that’s really fulfilling, right? Kids are like that but even better.” And that really put it into perspective for me.

    Not everyone loves the infant stage or the toddler stage or the teen stage, but then you get to the stages that really speak to you, and slowly together with that developing little human, you’re building a family, investing in all that they bring to your life and all that you can give to them over a lifetime. And that to me feels like a really beautiful creative project, maybe the best that you can ever embark on.

    So I’m with you on the terrified but excited but are-we-really-doing-this?! phase.

    Danielle says:

    I applaud you for taking the time to put serious thought into this!

    I waited also, I have one son, and I do not plan to have more. When I didn’t have kids, people wanted to know when I was going to have them. And once I had one, everyone started asking when I was going to have more! I have friends who have 3+, and get asked all the time when they’re going to be done having kids. 😂

    The point is, don’t let the opinions of others pressure you. You know what is right for you, whether you decide to have 1, 14, or zero children! If you choose to have children, I want to encourage you in overcoming your fears to find support from your partner and ask friends who they recommend in your area, and really look for a physician, a midwife, or whatever your choice is. You get to choose those who you are most comfortable with and
    confident in helping you with your pregnancy. This can be a person you partner with before you get pregnant, and if it’s isn’t a good fit, you can choose to find someone else or decide this is not where you’re heart is. Whatever you decide to do, take your time, and lean on loved ones. Don’t let fear make the decision for you. Xo

    Danielle says:

    Your* not you’re lol Autocorrect, you’re killing me, smalls!

    Anonymous says:

    Going to the doctor can be scary but almost all the time after it’s done .. you’ll be like what!? That wasn’t so bad. I think we create scenarios in our minds that may not happen and that leads us to have anxiety. What helps when I’m having anxiety about things I ask myself.. do you know this to be true.. and usually.. I don’t..
    As for having children I think the universe is whispering to you .. hey Bri… get ready. Something magical is about to happen. ❤️

    Bre says:

    I HAVE A DOCTOR PHOBIA TOO & I HAD A BABY.
    *personally I think it’s because I have control issues with doctors and I like feeling in charge of whats going on with something so personal as birth and frankly, my own body.
    I know there are already so many comments but here’s what I have to say…your feelings…TOTALLY NORMAL.

    I was super nervous to have a baby, and my husband was so ready. Never felt any pressure from him, and he was so patient to wait until I was ready. I’m so glad because having a baby has stretched us and molded us into better people, but it’s been work. And now that things have settled down *ahem sleep training* I feel like we’re only just hitting the tip of the iceberg with enjoying this stage in our lives.

    I think eating habits during pregnancy/finding someone you trust to be your doula or midwife is key! I had a super healthy pregnancy and I feel really grateful for that. I didn’t see any “doctor” for my pregnancy just my midwife who shared an office with an OBGYN. My hospital also had “no intervention” and “low intervention” rooms, which were set up like hotel suites with big spa tubs and king-sized beds. I HATE NEEDLES. And I didn’t need one, I wasn’t hooked up to monitors or anything. It was a sacred experience, and I feel that’s what giving birth is all about. As a woman — you know your body. I took a hypnobirthing class (basically a mindfulness class for giving birth) and that changed everything for me. It puts you & your partner in charge, and your partner is just as much involved in the birth as you are. Pregnancy was something where *again* I felt a little out of control, so I controlled what I could like I ate a mostly organic diet and cut out processed foods. Hypnobirthing changed my entire pregnancy. My sweet baby boy is 10 months old.

    Basically — having Ellis has totally opened my eyes to so many new things. I feel like I’ve become more creative and more in tune with my spiritual side. Most importantly — you don’t know sacrifice until you give birth. Your life will change for the absolute best. Your love is infinite and you could do a million and one things and still wish that you could have done more or given them more. A great book is Brain Rules for Baby — one of the few books I read, but I think it encompasses alot of good material…

    Okay done now. Sorry for the essay!

    Katryna says:

    It’s not weird at all and it’s a wonderful thing to be thinking and talking about because as women we tend to feel alone if we aren’t 100% omgbaby. I think you’d enjoy reading the posts by Amber () she recently had her child and shares similar anxieties and phobias of doctors and medical things, and her journey was wonderful to follow along with.
    Best of luck!

    Britney says:

    Joana Goddard posted this earlier in 2017. It’s about Leaping when you’re almost ready.
    I think it’s basically true in my life. We have a two year old and one on the way. When we were deciding when to start trying, we decided that we could always find a reason to put it off, but that we would figure it out once it happened! And that has absolutely been the case. It happens so slowly that you figure it out really gradually and it’s not as overwhelming as you think. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Thankfully a baby is an elephant that you will LOVE more than you can imagine.

    Anonymous says:

    29 here. Feeling similarly. I read somewhere that focusing on an infant is crazy. No one is like YES NO SLEEP FOR LIFE. But something the it asked you to consider was this – what do you want life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years? Do you want to be going to pee wee soccer games, hosting sleep overs, and picking out the perfect 8th grade dance outfit? We get too caught up in the immediate change and forget about what comes next.

    nora says:

    normal. and go for it.
    i had the same feeling when i was 30. my doctor happened to ask if i had to started to think about it and i said yes but maybe i wasn’t ready blah blah blah. she said “you’re never going to be ready. go for it.” best advice ever. (also, sometimes making a baby can take a while!).

    kori says:

    31 here! turning 32 soon. SAME FEELINGS about the doctor. more like “oh, i’m gonna go to the dr to make sure i’m good to go for babies and they’re going to find something wrong” it’s silly and i really should just remember that if that does happen, it’s better to know anyways. my blood pressure sky rockets when i know i have to go. you know how everyone says “why you don’t know won’t hurt you”? it’s opposite in my case and i need to remember that. it’s so great to know it’s not just me because this week has been particularly trying. good luck!

    bri says:

    that is one of my biggest fears!!!

    Rianna says:

    JUST JUMP! You’ll over think it and talk yourself out of it. I was 35 jumped with my husband and freaked when I found out I was pregnant. But it went away and I figured if crack heads have babies and live through childbirth why can’t i? LOL. everyone exaggerates their labor experience. I was 30 hours and had drugs and it was fine. You would make an excellent mother and get super creative with baby and kid things.

    bri says:

    you guys!!! thank you for all these comments and stories and ideas and everything you are the best!!

    The doctor thing! For sure you’ll have to get very very used to them and fast- about a million appointments when you’re pregnant! (I’m about 31 weeks along with my first one, age 34). I used to have a dentist phobia, but I ended up finally going and having a ton of dental work done and now– no fear of dentists! I imagine you’ll get over the doctor thing. You’ll want to see a doctor before you even start trying to get pregnant to get some advice on what you should be doing while trying.
    For me the hardest things have been GIVING UP ALCOHOL and constant paranoia of getting sick (your immune system STOPS working when you’re pregnant! WTF?). And the general anxiety of OMG I’M GOING TO BE A MOM WHAT? But I’m excited to meet her in March and hopefully will be able to face the newborn times without too much fear.
    Anyways- good luck- it’s the hardest decision you’ll ever make and the only one you can’t take back!!
    Love,
    Alison

    Anonymous says:

    I’ve been feeling all of the same feelings lately and its so nice to see that I’m not alone and to read all of the comments here. Thanks for sharing and opening up this dialogue! Hugs from Chicago!

    Haley Wilcox says:

    I’m 35 and not even close to having a kid, but I know I will at some point and I’m not worried. Don’t believe all the bs they tell you about having one past a certain age (cough..35). It happens ALL THE TIME. Follow your gut and do what’s right for you and your body.

    Jessalyne says:

    Hey Bri! I’m 36 and have two kiddos. There’s no way anyone who has kids can describe to anyone who doesn’t, what it is like. Childbirth hurts like nothing else in the world, but it’s also magic. Being a parent and parenting with someone is INTENSE beyond anything you can fathom, but it teaches you more about patience and love. Babies don’t let you sleep. You won’t sleep the same ever again. There are endless messes and no glamour but there’s a lot of love and learning and heart opening experiences. In my opinion, if you WANT kids, have kids. As far as the blood stuff goes, you’ll get over it. I was the same. When you’ve got kids, you don’t have time to think about your issues anymore. It’s about them. Now, it doesn’t even phase me whatsoever. If you like messes, unpredictability, being selfless, repeating yourself all day, being endlessly patient, making beautiful memories, taking crazy family vacations, kitchen dancing, beaming with pride, meal planning, staying awake all night, teaching, singing, cleaning, and organizing….kids are a great choice. There’s never a good time either 😊
    I’m excited for you!
    XO,
    Jessalyne

    rachel s. says:

    I’m 34 and have two kids. I don’d mind the doctor, and actually really love my OB/GYN so I can’t relate there. But there are several alternatives to a normal OB/GYN for baby care. So if it’s something standing in your way seriously, then consider alternatives.

    Also, those other worries are TOTALLY normal and everyone has them. You’re never actually ready until they show up. And even then you don’t know what you’re doing. You just try to figure it out as you go along. 🙂

    Anyway, my kids happen to be the best thing I think I’ve ever done. My job isn’t very rewarding or interesting to me, so maybe that contributes. But I’m so happy and would like one more. 🙂

    SarA says:

    My partner and I have a one-year old son that we didn’t quite plan on. To be honest, I’m not sure we ever could’ve planned or known what parenthood would be like before it happened to us. But we have an amazing, loving relationship and we are crazy about our son. It’s been a rough ride for us, with no shortage of personal sacrifices, but I would do it again in an instant because of all the little ways being a mother has grown my life. If I could go back and give myself one small piece of advice, however, it would be to not stress about pregnancy fears and birth but instead to prepare for the lack of personal, recharge time. I am a complete introvert, and with a tiny one it’s hard because it feels like they need you all the time. It was never reassuring to me personally when people told me the hard parts would pass. But focusing on reclaiming small parts of myself – and celebrating the ways motherhood expanded my creativity and mind – has made life more beautiful. Not sure if this helps, but your post resonated with me so I wanted to share! Best wishes and good luck!

    Tam says:

    Also needle phobic, I fainted while getting my blood drawn as a child and I’ve had anxiety over it since. Tell them you are anxious/faint easily and you need to lie down. Also, don’t go alone! Bring a support person!!! I panic if I see a needle, so I ask to be warned before the needle comes out, cover my eyes and squeeze somebodies hand until it’s over. It’s never as bad as I think it’ll be.
    On children, unless you really want to experience being pregnant, maybe do some research about adoption. Takes the doctors and needles out of it and you could adopt a toddler if you are unsure of having an infant.
    I’ve always wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but I would love to adopt also.

    Anna says:

    I’m pregnant now and I think you’ll surprise yourself with how tough you really are. So far it’s the most badass thing I’ve ever done, and I haven’t even birthed the kid yet. I never enjoyed needles either, but now I know the (very few) blood draws I’ve gotten during pregnancy are to ensure my baby and I are healthy. And that makes it easy. If you’re worried about feeling like a medical specimen during pregnancy and labor, I second the commenter above who recommended a midwife. I switched from an ob to a midwife halfway through (I’m going to try and deliver in a birthing center) and the approach to care is dramatically different. It’s made me feel really confident and excited for D Day, instead of out of control. And at the end of the day if you’re depressed or scared during pregnancy, that’s normal too. There are many many resources for that, from your mom friends to online forums to pharmacological help from your medical provider. If you want a baby, do it.

    MB says:

    Highly recommend a midwife for prenatal and childbirth. They are so fantastic. Also- we travel full time with our son. Started when he was 2. Anything is possible! No one is ever ready to be a parent. It’s like jumping off the high five for the first time. You just have to jump.

    Danielle says:

    I just turned 32. I’m not dating anyone and I don’t have any kids. It’s such a weird experience to transition from your 20s and have that thought pop up one day – “Oh snap, should I be thinking about kids” or “Wow, I’m totally thinking about kids now.” For me, it’s been career, career, career and in a way I have doubted whether I prioritized wrong, or if I just have an underlining fear of what it is to be a mom. Now, with 2 years under my belt in my 30s, and a lot of reflection, I know that the timing will manifest itself and I will know when it’s the right time for me – relationship and baby wise. But, I completely understand all of the questions you are having. From the outside it seems that things have happened so naturally for friends that have had babies, but when I think about it for myself, it seems like such a foreign experience. When I was a teen I remember discussing with friends that I would probably have a kid by 27. Now I remember where I was mentally at 27 and I literally life out loud. Life has a way of organically figuring things out. When that time comes, the universe will be there to provide you with everything you need. Exciting things are ahead!

    Sheena George says:

    Momma-land happens a little at a time. Some obvious parts can be big life changes, but most you just figure out as you go along. You will find YOUR groove, don’t worry about what anyone else’s is. It’s deeply personal and beautiful and the most natural, yet dynamic experience (for lack of a better word, it’s so much more than an experience to bring a whole new life into the world). I was terrified of needles and would faint every time, now after babies I am a pro and don’t mind at all. I was the same with doctors and found a midwife that made me feel so safe and empowered in my decisions. Birth is one of my favorite subjects and though I am now done having babies (4 of my own and one surrogacy for a close friend), I wish I could do birth more times! Makes you feel POWERFUL, able to conquer anything when you’re finally holding your sweet babe. Looking forward to following your process!

    Samantha B says:

    I was once crazy afraid of getting my blood drawn. In high school I had to wear an eye patch as a result of a blood draw freak out. Very embarrassing!

    When I got pregnant this was one of my fears as well. Turns out I am a champ with blood draws and was more afraid of shots and gluecose tests.

    You will find yourself stronger and more powerful then ever before when it comes to that time.

    Rachel says:

    I’m 27 and single, and have never wanted kids. But lately, all my friends are getting married and doing the whole family thing. I’ve had a change in heart over the past year, but I have this deep fear that I’ll never meet someone I actually WANT to settle down and have kids with. It’s something I’ve been really struggling with lately!

    Ananymous says:

    I’m chiming in with the very, very, very, very (two to be exact) few others who mentioned the horrible, but unfortunately, realistic possibility of infertility. As someone who has gone through years of infertility and IVF, I’m a huge proponent of taking action earlier rather than later if you know that you want children at some point in your life. As a previous commenter mentioned, there’s an easy peasy test than can be done to check your egg quality and reserve, which would be a great first step if you think children may be in your future but not ready to “try” for a while. I would hate for you to get to a year from now and find it’s not as easy as you thought it would be to just get pregnant. I pray that’s not the case at all, but in my very personal opinion, being prepared and proactive is the wisest thing to do when it comes to your own fertility. Regardless of when & how, I do know you will be one adorable and fun and wise mama.

    Mallory says:

    I’m sure many have said it, but there is no “right time.” There will always be something that can stop you. It is way easy to talk yourself out of it.
    You kind of do sort things out as you go. Try to be prepared for a baby, and they will be nothing like you expect. 😛
    My doctor is great. I love her and want to be best friends with her. It is possible to find someone chill but also gentle. When deciding to have a third (I thought I’d be a one and done sort), seeing my doctor regularly was on my pros list. You have time to research doctors in the area, ask friends and so on. You’ll be great!

    Maria says:

    Yes. This happened to me too at the unfortunate age of 39. All of a sudden, I thought BABY. So, don’t wait until then to figure it out. I went through IVF after a miscarriage and had a successful pregnancy. And I can honestly say I ADORE my child. Sometimes, when you realize you almost may not be able to have something, you simply become obsessed with having it. It’s not easy, but I also can’t imagine my life without him. I LOVE being his mother. Also, I’ve been able to start my own business while raising him. Life doesn’t completely stop when you have a child. And I had the same fears you did about doctors and childbirth, but being pregnant quickly cures you of those fears. Because you don’t have a choice maybe? Also, I ended up having a c-section so my fears of pushing out a baby were immediately transferred over to CRAP I’m going into surgery. I laugh at the notion of a birth plan because they just don’t really happen the way you expect. Such is life and such is raising a child. It’s lovely, chaotic, glorious, scary, rewarding, and completely satisfying and empowering all st the same time.

    Susie says:

    Such absolutely normal and totally understandable thoughts! I’m a new mom over here (age 34), so this is what I would offer – having convos with you partner so that you are both on the same page with many elements of starting a family really helps set you up with a solid foundation and helps prevent fights/dramas when ya’ll are sleep deprived and hormonal – the when/where/how many/who takes time off work, etc. And if you chose to start a family and then have a baby on board (a process itself which can be stressful and lengthy and complicated) you really do figure so much out as you go, and the motivation to do so is so immediate and pure. Also, IMO, childbirth is dope and beautiful and thanks to that blessed epidural I slept through the worst of it huzzahhhhhh.

    Susie says:

    Oh, and I would add, about 8 months pregnant I could barely remember to feed the cat twice a day or put on deodorant. Now with the baby here, I might not have brushed my hair in a week but this baby is happy healthy and hella cute.

    Rini says:

    I’m 32 and had my baby almost a year ago. As someone that never thought about being a mom or had the thoughts like many women have, that their life’s mission is to be a mother, I can say that it seriously is the best thing ever. He is just the best thing, so sweet and lovable and has made all my anxieties go away. I have anxiety and OCD and it surprisingly has gotten better with him. I still stress out and worry about a lot but it’s normal “I’m trying to keep this human alive and thriving” stuff. I think if you want a baby and so does your partner I think you should go for it. I’m so glad that he is on this planet and that I get to be his mama.

    Megan gilger says:

    I felt the same way before pulled the trigger. Can totally relate and I was freaked out about birth. I did hypno birth where you use self hypnosis to work through childbirth before and during to retrain how your mind perceives it. It worked for me and all the women in my class. All of us had wonderful and positive experiences it helped deal with all the doctor things I had fears about. It was really helpful and fun to do with my husband. I highly suggest it if you have anxiety. But yes, it is possible and it is rewarding even with the challenges. Life changes but in a beautiful way.

    Amy says:

    It’s a wild ride having kids! I’ve got a 17 mth old and an almost 4 year old and it’s busy. At times fantastic, at times overwhelming. But you learn so many great things about yourselves and others through the process. Pregnancy is different for everyone – same with child birth. My biggest piece of advice is to go with your gut. All child birth is natural. Don’t feel pressured to go one or the other. I waited til 34 to have kids despite being with my husband, then boyfriend from 21 on. And I now wish I would have had kiddos a little earlier—(especially when my 38 yr old back seizes when they’re in the bath). more options for having more, how to space them etc and more energy for those Very busy years. Make sure you’re really into the idea of kiddos. It is incredibly fulfilling but all consuming and for me- the toughest part is just the endurance you need for an intense job with very few opportunities for a break,
    Less chances for self care etc.

    Anonymous says:

    Today I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband has had baby fever since before we met. And I’ve always struggled with anxiety and change. I thrive off of consistency and routine so adding a baby to the mix seemed unbearable especially considering our dog has epilepsy and our cat has a chronic ironists disease. . I wondered if I’d be a good parent or be able to handle it. Over time, I came closer to being ready and eventually just said, “let’s try and see what happens.” I worried we’d try for years and that made me want to try less. This pregnancy hasn’t been easy, I’ve lost 16 lbs from puking. It still doesn’t feel real but I’m excited for the adventure. I have zero regrets. You just have to jump in because the timing will never be right. The weirdest thing is even though typically I’m neurotic and over analyze everything, I’ve been oddly zen and calm. Your body does weird things when your pregnant.

    Lauren says:

    SAME! I don’t know what came over me over the last couple of months (since I turned 31) but all of a sudden, it seems like having a kid is no longer scary (or at least, not AS scary), but something that we could manage. My boyfriend’s family is huge and really into fostering – maybe look into that? I know it’s not the same as carrying a baby, but giving a home to a child (or baby) in need is just as rewarding. It’s something that is definitely on the table for us because (1) it’s so familiar and (2) the idea of pushing out a baby still terrifies me!!

    Andreina says:

    Hi Lauren. I’m really glad to read your comment. I’m 30 and my husband and I have been having convos about having kids for about 2 years now.

    At this point I fell really comfortable with the idea of not having “natural” children. However the idea of adopting/fostering is fascinating and intriguing to us for different reasons and I think that if we ever decide to take the leap, this will be our chosen path.

    I think people often forget that there are other ways to fulfill the desires of being a parent and in general, of being a loving mentor for a young human being.

    Thanks Bri for opening a space for this beautiful conversation to happen!

    Lauren says:

    I’m so happy to hear adoption/fostering is an option for you! I wish you the best with everything, whenever/whatever you decide. What a kind and positive conversation this whole thread is 🙂

    Magdalena says:

    Go for it! We decided to have a kid when I turned 32…and it took us 4 years to finally get pregnant (I’m 7 month now) I went the natural way with a holistic doctor and now I have a midwife. The point is, you will never be truly my ready. I still have my doubts even though we were trying for so long. It’s wonderful to know that you have a guy who is so on board with it (my husband isn’t baby obsesses) You know, you will not be alone ❤️

    CURRENTLY PREGO says:

    CURRENTLY – I’m sitting on my couch eating endless amounts of pickles, 8 months prego with my first, feeling at pure peace and extremely excited to meet this little boy (who is kicking around in there as I type now).
    Rewind to a year ago when me and my Mr. were thinking about trying – I WAS A BASKET CASE – there was no peace and calm, just a pile of WHAT IF’s. Asking myself all the same stuff you are, what if I’m not good at parenthood, what else do I need to do with my life before this, do I really think I can teach a human living being to be an incredible HUMAN LIVING BEING!? And the vainest thought of all times ever (so embarrassing) uhhhh I don’t want to get stretch marks. But then all those doubts and worries (and vanity) faded away when I thought about my Mr. and it was like DUH, this is totally the right move. There’s never a perfect time, there’s no guarantee you’re going to be worlds best mom, or that you won’t get those stretch marks, but it’s okay!!! Why?? because i’m not in this alone. I’m taking this adventure on with the most perfect team mate by my side who has and always will love me unconditionally. He’s already an incredible father and this little guy hasn’t even made his debut! I think the key isn’t finding the right time, but rather the right person. Then all the other things just fall into place. All the worries fade and you’re left with a belly full of baby, a deeper love then you ever imagined with your partner, and a lot of pickles.

    Sending you love and hopefully a little insight
    Signed, currently prego

    Anonymous says:

    CBT therapist here and definitely recommend finding someone who can help you with CBT and exposure work. It is life changing for any type of phobia 🙂 EMDR is awesome too best of luck 🙂 you can do it! Avoidance is the worst thing you can do for phobias though I know it makes it so hard get those tools and then conquer! So worth it 🙂

    Courtney says:

    Bri your fears are all incredibly normal. Its a huge decision and can be over analysed and you have already doubted yourself a million times before getting on the horse. We have been trying for 2 years and im 33. This is not to be discouraging at all but I am actually going into a 4 week anxiety and depression clinic because I have mismanaged all of my emotions and frankly the thought of having a baby (even though its my biggest wish) terrifies me. All I can say is if you have these anxieties and concerns see someone who can ease your mind. I wish I had dealt with the stress of trying before trying and i really believe that you can get through anything. you are so talented and seem like the kindest soul. No doubt you will make a fantastic mum and you can travel with a baby. I have a feeling that children enhance ones world beyond any trip you could ever take. best wishes. xx

    Anonymous says:

    Don’t wait. Have the baby. You never know if there will be issues that will delay it in general. I waited too long and then an unexpected illness catapulted me into an age bracket that I didn’t feel safe having a child any longer.

    Dana says:

    I’m 31 and have had similar thoughts. I married a guy who is a few years older and he has been ready for kids for a while, but has been waiting for me to be ready. I’m not sure what changed within the past year, but I thought ok I have to go off all my meds first, which seemed scary. I thought I would make that my first step. If I didn’t freak out, I would keep going. So I stopped my birth control and other meds not kind to babies in the fall, and also started my dream job at the same time. So far I’ve felt good and actually feel excited about continuing and trying. I was freaked initially that I would get pregnant right away, but that hasn’t happened. This gave me time to get even more comfortable with the idea of being a mother and going through pregnancy/birth.

    I also feel comfortable with adopting if I’m not able to get pregnant, so that helps take the pressure off. I’m glad I’m starting now and not in a year, In case we need to start the adoption process eventually. That seems like it takes forever!

    My advice is that you should take baby steps initially, and only continue if you still feel comfortable. Overcoming your medical fears is probably better for you than just going for the pregnancy— you might learn things from a blood test that can help with the process, but more importantly that could help with your overall health. Look at all you do as a kick ass lady on a regular basis. You got this!!

    Sofia M says:

    Have you thought about a doula and/or midwife? I totally feel ya on the doctor fear.
    I’m lazy and didn’t read through the comments so not sure if anyone else suggested 🙈

    Gillian says:

    I have a huge phobia of doctors too, and when I was little I told my mom I would never have kids because I knew I wouldn’t be able to get my blood drawn. Going to the doctor is still something that sends me into a deep state of uncontrollable anxiety, but I got over the blood drawing thing (sorta).

    Here’s what helped me: after leaving teaching, I participated in a lot of medical studies at the National Institutes of Health for an income. To be cleared for the studies, I’d have to complete a full physical exam, blood work included. The first time I got my blood drawn there, I almost passed out from anxiety. They had to send me to a specialist who worked with cancer patients and was considered “gentle.”I got through it, but I learned a lot of lessons from that initial experience.

    1. Be upfront about your anxiety and concerns. Don’t let any doctor/nurse tell you you’re being irrational or acting like a “baby.” I hate when people equate my real anxiety with being childish. We all have our things, right? Just find someone who is sympathetic and PATIENT with you.

    2. Be specific about what you need when you’re getting your blood drawn. I hate when people talk to me, for example. I know they’re trying to calm me down, but I’m a person that needs to concentrate on my anxiety to get it under control. I can’t be distracted when I’m anxious… I need to be present and in the moment. Whatever works for you is justified and you deserve it.

    3. Get your blood drawn often (well, as much as is physically necessary, haha) because the more you do it, the less scary it will be. And I say that from experience.

    Good luck!!!

    Naomi says:

    Oh, sweetie. You’re so young. People are having babies much later in life these days. In fact, my sister works in healthcare, and she said that geriatric mothers (yes, unfortunately that is what they call women who are pregnant and over 30, cringe) actually do MUCH better with pregnancy and labor than younger women do. So, don’t be in a rush. When you know, you’ll know. I just turned 37, and honestly the whole biological clock thing is just now kicking in for me. And I STILL don’t feel rushed. I hope this helps!

    Laura says:

    I totally understand, before I got pregnant I was terrified of blood draws. But as soon as I got pregnant it was like I got super mom powers because I had to do the blood draws and medical stuff because it was all for a little precious baby that I had to protect! Just know there will never be a perfect time to get pregnant but you will know when it’s right for you. Good luck!

    Anonymous says:

    You don’t need red to go to a doctor. Midwives are a wonderful alternative. My (male) doctor was giving me a hard time about my weight when I first got pregnant and it was so offensive I left his practice and went to a midwife. Turns out I was pregnant with twins…best decision I ever made. So much warmth and personalized care…

    Megan says:

    I’m 32 currently 6 months pregnant and I had all these same worries/fears/thoughts leading up to us “trying”. It was the actual decision making yes or no to trying that stressed me out so much but my partner was 110% on board and ready (he had been for a while). I secretly hoped it would just happen one day from being lazy so I wouldn’t have to make an actual decision. We settled on a very relaxed not really trying but also not stopping a pregnancy from happening and it happened then – there was no counting, scheduling, stressing, etc. Once I was pregnant I just mentally said “it’s been decided, this is what’s happening so it’s it out my hands now” I still hate the getting blood part but it’s quick at least and I just think of it as I’m doing it for my child and It somehow makes me stronger. I used to always skip scheduled blood draws but now I just go right away and get it done (I also listen to music on headphones and scroll Instagram and don’t look). I’m working on my fear about the birth. I hired a doula and am doing a birth prep program that helps takes the fear and anxiety out of birth and I think it’s working! Also whenever I feel stressed or worried I see how excited my partner is and that eases some of my stress, he’s going to be the best dad. Best of luck either way xx

    Roxann says:

    Hi, honestly I don’t think there is ever a good time to disrupt a baby free life! But it’s so worth it!
    I am definitely not one that loves infants I wanted 2 years and up haha except I was shocked how much I enjoyed it. When it’s your baby it’s just different.
    And the fact that you care so much if everything will line up and work out well means you are ready and will make a great mom!
    I hope that you can have piece of mind and settle into a good time frame and go with it! Good luck!

    Katie says:

    No one ever knows what the heck they are doing. Ever. When you read books about people who seem to know what they are doing, it’s because they are looking back and reflecting on what they DID – that’s easy to do. But honestly, the most freeing (and scary) thing I’ve realized is just that: everyone is uncertain. everyone is afraid of the future. no one has it figured out.

    Sometimes in life we get so caught up trying the make THE right choice that we forget the possibility that we may actually have several good choices and we simple need to pick one. Happiness is in the pursuit, not the in the accomplishment of “the end”!

    Sending so much love your way, Bri <3

    Lizzie says:

    I had an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend of 6 years and it is the best and most exciting thing that has happened to us. I was 22, in nursing school, and no where near ready. Even after becoming an OB nurse I was no where near ready! It’s totally normal and human nature to question yourself. My daughter is 1.5 years old and makes everyday that much better. Walks, grocery trips, random lazy days became a whole new level of excitement and so do vacations and trips ect. Dont expect them to take away from the “fun and hobbies” in you life because they make them that much more exciting. I can just picture you and Jason, making amazing home cooked meals and getting so excited about what he or she is eating and all the pictures of the little one in your beautiful home. I promise they just enhance everything that is exciting in your life now. Good luck!

    Heather says:

    You will never be 100% ready, there’s never a good time, but you just do it and it works out. I have two now. Ones almost 6 years and ones almost 6 months. First one happened on accident when I was 35 after I had been dating his dad for a month! Then after trying for 2 years (with the same daddy), I finally conceived totally naturally at 41. Both my labors were super easy. I had drugs with both so they were also basically pain free. First one come in 3hrs 45 minutes and the second one came in 3hrs 25 minutes.
    Not every birthing experience needs to be a horror story and you don’t have to be a super hero. Don’t listen to anyone’s advice. Do what you feel is right for you and your family when the time comes. That includes conceiving.

    Hannah says:

    I accidentally got pregnant at 30 and decided to have my son even though I never wanted kids. My son was/is a very needy child and while it’s been almost three years without a decent night’s sleep, my life has become more than I ever imagined it could be. Just know that every child is different and no matter how prepared you are, the Universe will give you exactly what you need (even if it’s definitely not what you want or think you can handle!) I know a lot of people have already suggested this but having a midwife was the best ever. I hate, hate, hate going to the doctors so doing a home birth was the obvious choice and it was one of the most magical experiences of my life! The female body naturally has all kinds of crazy awesome hormones to handle any pain – you’ll definitely find your inner warrior goddess 🙂

    Shelby says:

    first of all… I’m a mother of 4 who swore to god I would never have kids. No one (unless they’re boring) is “ready” to have a kid. “If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting forever.” if your heart and your partner’s heart says yes then… roll the dice. Parenting is tiring but the joy of having someone to share time with that calls you mom just makes up for the crazy & exhausting baby years. I know you love finding inspiration in the everyday and there is no one better to pull inspiration from than your babe.

    Bri says:

    Go for it! I never saw a doctor while I was pregnant. I had a midwife and did a home birth and it was AWESOME. She did the blood draws (which was 100% different than having them in a doctor’s office), and I only had two ultrasounds and that was it. It’s not for everyone, but for me it was fantastic (and worth looking into).

    Shauna says:

    I definitely think you should go for it! I was scared of all that too and I swear with an epidural childbirth can be so joyful and even dare I say it, fun? Also, once you’re pregnant drawing blood will be so much easier because it’s not about you… you’ll find the strength I promise!!

    Staci says:

    So let me just answer about having blood drawn. It’s not something I enjoy, but it happens about once a year when I get my full physical. Basically, I do what the nurse says, I look away, and try to think of not awful things until it’s over. At that time, I’m happy and on my way! It’s always been fine, even when it’s not fun. Good luck with everything!

    J.S. says:

    I would look into getting a midwife and having an unmedicated birth in a birthing center (or even at home) if you are scared of doctors! My partners mom is a midwife so I never considered doing anything else, and I am glad I didn’t. I’ve had two births in a birthing center and it was so relieving not to be in a hospital and to have complete control over the situation! If you go that route it also means fewer doctors! Don’t be afraid, you can do it!

    Channing says:

    This is really exciting news to hear! When that day comes and you see that positive pregnancy test your motherly insticts will automatically kick into high gear. Past fears and the unknowns will be overshadowed by the complete joy of having an incredible journey ahead of you with the man you love. They will still be there, but they’ll be different. Stay close to those that you love most and do what is best for you and your family. I’m 33 and have a 7 month old. I used to bring a poncho with me when I got my blood drawn and would wrap it around my head. You do what you gotta do to get through it!!

    Morgan says:

    Hey, I hope this is helpful and not too negative – my advice is to just go for it if you have those feelings. I’m 28 and been dealing with some infertility issues which has been such a painful experience that I feel like letting all prospective moms know that they should do it if they are able to!

    Dani says:

    Love your openness.
    My husband and I had eased into the baby idea with let’s just not use protection & see where that gets us. It’s different for everyone, but a little over two years later and now we are pregnant. The process wasn’t as easy going as the beginning because after “failed” month after month & realizing how badly we wanted this, I began/ & Dr’s thinking there was an issue. Anyways, I was checked out and my husband put off calling the Dr for like 6 months. By the time a Dr. would finally see him, I‎t would another few months and in that time, we would MAGICALLY end up pregnant. Really it felt like magic.
    And we were both suprised!

    I did acupuncture for a while which might help you ease into the idea of having your blood drawn. I‎t also is SO good for prepping your body, and helped me regulate cycles. And just plain old stress & anxiety, nothings worked more for me. I think stress contributed to me
    having trouble.

    I’m only three months along but I can tell you already this kid has given me some serious strength & changed my mental state to go out into the world and tackle things I previously would have curled up, over analyzed & wigged out about.

    The most difficult thing so far is how your body reacts to said “body invader!” Exhaustion & nausea, but I think once you figure out what works for you, you feel you can handle whatever other mysteries are coming for you because you have someone to protect & it’s just Mother’s nature.

    Email me if you ever have any questions or need to confide in a strangers thought.
    Best of luck & love that you’ve found someone you would want to create the coolest human with.💗💫

    priska says:

    yes, this is normal. don‘t overthink it, just go for it. you‘ll never ever regret it. promised!

    Lucia says:

    I follow your stories and felt compelled to comment even if I nver do, cause I am deep in the “should i have a child” phase right now😅. So here’s the thing about feeling ready, (btw I’m 34 and somewhat still conflicted about it, but deciding to go for it within the year cause I know I’d want a child at some point in my life!) all of my girl friends or male friend’s pregnant gfs say to me, as well as my mother, aunts etc, that if you wait to feel ready, you will never go ahead and do it. So feeling ready is kinda out the window now for me as a factor to consider! If I know that I want a child, and I am satisfied “enough” now (not fully cuz that will never happen) with having traveled, having money for myself, having alone time with my boyfriend etc,to give up a little bit on those things (maybe entirely the first years) then maybe its time I start seriously considering it.
    Also waiting for the “right time” or a calmer time in terms of life situation, work commitments, even financially, doesnt work, as there will always be something not quite right, life is made of events and events are always a bit of a stress anyway. Also,consider that the 9 month time frame, from a psychological standpoint, is a good amount of time to adjust at least to the idea of motherhood. I feel like I tend to put it off because my head says, omg pregnancy =immediate life change.. Then I think wait, theres still 9 months to go, the time to get pregnant which can unfortunately for some, take some time, months at least. All these considerations are helping me decide to take the plunge, sooner rather than later! Also doesnt help when gynos are like, wait youre turning 35, that means you will be considered “advanced maternal age”..🤯 Say what?! If youre 32, you still have some years to think about it and get used to the idea 😊

    Holly says:

    the doctor thing. i get it, i have it. the best advice i can offer is hire an amazing midwife that you trust. mine came to my house for all appointments, including the blood draw (only had to do one). the rest was just urine tests, belly measures, and nutrition. the only time i went to the doctor was do do a 6 month ultrasound and schedule them as my back-up birth option. i seriously pass out upon entering a doctor’s office. i still have the doctor issues, but now i have a 6yo and she was worth all the panic attacks. not doing it again though 😉

    Ashley says:

    I completely understand the push and pull between your body and your mind in this situation. I’m 30 (about to turn 31) and have been with my now husband for 11 years. He is going to be an incredible father and I know he wants kids as well. I go through this feeling of “ugh I really want to have a baby and I want to know that experience and I know it will be great and…” but then I also think “I have a great life, great friends, great family and we can travel and go out and do whatever we want…”. We talk about it a lot and thankfully my husband is one of the most caring and patient people i know. He hears me and honestly agrees with me, but then he reminds me that when we do have a baby one day we will only limit ourselves as much as we want to. We can go on adventures and see the world with a tiny new partner in crime and it will make it that much more memorable. I truly believe that women are full of intuition and self awareness and YOU will absolutely know if this is what you want. All the best in 2018!

    Becky says:

    Bri! I’m turning 30 this year and I got married about a year and a half ago, and I feel like I’m in the same baby boat as you!! Body says, “it’s time!” and mind says, “but I want to go to France!” lol.

    I’m currently taking a “if it happens, it happens” attitude, in terms of baby stuff, but I think in about a year and a half, I’ll be a little more concerted in my efforts.

    All that to say, you’re not alone! 🙂

    Caitlyn says:

    I am just on the other side of this decision – have an almost-2-yr-old. Your post felt so familiar (both to me and what so many of my friends / cousins are talking about). I love my kid so effing much, and also have moments (not infrequent) when I deeply miss the independence of not having to think about someone else’s needs 24-7. Whether you are literally responsible for them at the time, or whether your partner or mom or babysitter has them, they eat up a big chunk of brain and emotional space that used to be used for me-focus.

    It is wonderful and awesome and also really hard work. You can absolutely still do things that you love (cook, travel, etc), but those things are really different. I guess that was the most surprising part for me: I was expecting one giant life change, and really it has just been a gazillion tiny shifts. That makes it easier, I think, because you can digest and accept and adjust to the small shifts individually.

    Ultimately, raising a stable kid who you like (who will hopefully become a teenager you can still talk to, and an adult you are proud of), means putting in a lot of time in the early years. It’s a super cool investment, bc you see it start to pay out with an awesome kid. From where I am standing, it’s totally worh it, but like most investment/delayed-gratification scenarios, the paying-in can be a mother fucker.

    —-> podcast rec: nursing and cursing
    Super hilarious and real.

    Kate says:

    Hey Bri, I’m 34 and just had my first kid in September. I don’t have too much to add from what others have saidb but here are a few thoughts:
    1) Be sure to tell whomever is taking your blood that you have a fear and are nervous/scared. The first time I had my blood drawn was by an older man so i thought he would think I was being silly but he totally minimized my fear by making it seem like no big deal and distracting me so I didn’t even realize he started by the time it was over. Most people who take blood have experience with this fear and tricks to help you get through it.
    2) Having only had my kid for 4 months, I’m not going to sugarcoat it – there are some days (and nights at like 2am) where I question what the hell I was thinking. That being said, I focus on my goal of raising a good person and trust that the rest will work out. The fact that you are being so thoughtful about the whole thing is great because you’re trying to make an informed choice. I was never sure that I wanted a kid but once the feeling came I knew that if I didn’t try, I would probably regret it forever. You can travel when you’re 50 but having a kid is much harder at that age!
    3) Infants are really hard. That being said, a friend of mine put it this way: every 3 years they need you less and your life starts to slowly become yours again. That life and those priorities will probably be a lot different but not necessarily bad.
    Whatever you decide, You got this!

    Jes says:

    I just had my beautiful boy and I felt the same brain freezing fear when it come to taking care of an infant, but it’s really all instinct. And with all the baby euphoria biological high the stress didn’t get too overwhelming for me. 🙂

    As far as the birth pain goes… Well, there’s drugs for that.

    Robyn says:

    I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for years and was so scared of going through pregnancy, but motherhood has been the greatest blessing of my life. It’s healed my anxiety and made me stronger than I could have been before. Some days it’s hard and I have to be careful to not compare to moms who don’t have a mental illness as they seem to be doing so much “more”, but the joy and fun and love far outweigh the low moments!

    I had a rough pregnancy and emergency c section 6 weeks early – I tell you that not to scare you but to say we can handle so much more than we think. Having a supportive partner and doctors you trust and who understand anxiety makes all the difference. I trusted I had the best care and they got me and my baby safely through it. I’m pregnant with my second baby now and so much more at ease because I know I can handle the best or the worst that my body gives me. You are stronger than you know 🙂

    Lizzie G says:

    I actually wrote this article, How to Survive Pregnancy When You’re Needle Phobic, because I used to be just like you! Now, I’m approaching the second trimester of my second pregnancy and I hardly bat an eye at blood draws. If parenthood is what you want in life, don’t let this hold you back.

    Here’s the article, with good advice for getting through blood draws:

    Betsy says:

    Hi! Pregnant lady here. Age 37. Lots of wonderful encouragement here to echo. I also wrestled. My question was not if, but when. One thing I understood by watching many of my young friends become mothers, is how much the life and relationships change and so I kept waiting to feel that I was ready for all of those compromises. I did wait longer than some people could understand, but believe me I could have easily justified waiting more. I love my lifestyle. But we did go for it this Fall via IVF (for reproductive complications on both ends, me endometriosis, him a chemotherapy treatment that would leave him sterile, we froze some Of his supply back in 2013 bc we knew eventually this day would come.) It worked. One thing that I have noted since becoming pregnant though, is that all my fears for missing red wine, soft cheese, late hot tub nights etc… None of that matters. Something big is happening inside of me and while I haven’t even met this child yet and felt that overwhelming love that all mothers say make every compromise worth it, I already feel like I’m doing something important and my body knows how to do it better than I ever imagined. I have been poked and prodded a lot by doctors and it’s totally uncomfortable, but the task was so immense that it made all that discomfort seem unimportant. I wouldn’t have believed that this was coming from me if I had read it even six months ago, but it’s all true, something about motherhood is filling me up with a gratitude and purpose that my perpetually discontent heart has rarely known.

    Kate says:

    Have you considered getting married first? Even though you and your man are serious and committed, getting married gave me a whole new sense of security and freedom, in a way I didn’t expect and thought I already had in my committed relationship.

    Kate says:

    I was so anxious and neurotic as a child that my mom used to call me Woody (for Woody Allen) and I remember her saying to me once ‘ if you ever get pregnant I will not talk to you until that baby comes out because you are going to be too much to handle ‘ I was so anxious that I didn’t eat in restaurants, and I didn’t fly in an airplane for over 6 years! I eventually got over those fears because traveling and eating amazing food are worth a bit of suffering and then a few years later I had an unplanned pregnancy with a person I loved and knew was going to be an amazing father and an amazing thing happened…I sort of became brave once I saw the positive pregnancy test!!! It was completely strange but since I knew I had this tiny human inside me to be brave for I put a lot of anxious thoughts that I’ve always had away and just focused on being as badass as I could for this baby. I also read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and reading all of these incredible birth stories of what women can do was so empowering that it gave me the power to go into a hospital and have my baby drug free. ( I am notoriously terrified of hospitals + doctors) Everyone (including myself) was completely shocked at my bravery and I just did it because I kind of knew I had to. All of the worrying and the what if’s just faded away because I knew that this baby was a reality – and anxious people like us have wild imaginations and if you can harness all of that crazy anxious energy into empowerment you will be unstoppable! We had just turned 30 and didn’t have any friends with kids in LA and just kind of figured it out on our own since we didn’t have family here and we look back on that first year and can’t believe how we kept this tiny human alive but you figure it out as you go and that is the beautiful part – to learn that you are stronger than you ever even dreamed of in a million billion years. <3

    Angie says:

    MIDWIFE. Boom. Having my 3rd out of hospital birth with a midwife this summer. And having kids? Hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. 😉

    Kirsty says:

    Bri, I had all the same worries. But when all the what if questions were swirling around my head around having a baby – the question I asked myself as I felt the biological clock ticking as I headed towards 30 was – how would I feel when I’m an old lady if I *didnt* have kids. Just another way to look at it. Over here in the UK I had a private midwife who often met me at home and was with me for scans and during the birth. Lots of support options to look into to make things gentler. Kirsty x

    Capa says:

    I feel you. The baby part at being 32 at least. One piece of advice: read “Kiss me!” by Carlos Gonzales.

    It’s a lovely little book, a very easy read, and let his soothing voice show you how, biologically, and evolutionary, you’ve got this. (The parenting part.)

    Amy V says:

    Happy New Year 🙂 I’m turning 32 in March and I have an 8 month old boy. We were trying for a baby, but when I found out I was pregnant I still had a moment of freaking out that I should have travelled more etc. Believe me, you’ve accomplished plenty and you’ll never feel ready for a baby, but it is the biggest adventure you can have and like everything else with a baby, travelling is challenging but so rewarding.
    I have always been a worrier but since being a mother my anxiety has gone through the roof. It’s a huge symptom of PND, which I now realise I have and am working on controlling. It’s not just “dark thoughts”, I never had those, so if you are an anxious person at heart then I would just keep an eye on yourself and how you react to things, be kind to yourself and learn to let go – of expectations, perfection, preconceptions. It’s my biggest challenge and one that will be life long as children become more independent from day one.
    I hope all this doesn’t sound negative, there is no bigger joy than having a baby! I just wish more people were open about this and since you’ve been vulnerable to share with us here and I can relate, I thought I should. You will make a fantastic mum! If you worry you’re sucking at it then it means you’re already a great mother.
    Also, I don’t know much about the US process, but can you go for a midwife/doula route instead of more medical? Just bear in mind that nothing ever goes to plan. All the best! xx

    In my humble opinion, becoming a mom is the most altering life event that one can go through. Suddenly you are responsible for a little human, that you adore. I have three kids and it is hard… but awesome and hard and awesome – I’ve been a mom for 13 years and what I’ve gleaned is that you need community (friends and family) to be there for you and your partner. Here in America we are supposed to be independent and live in a “I can do it all” culture. Boy that is far from the truth once you start a family 🙂

    kim crooks says:

    Okay, I feel you on a LOT of this. My husband and I never wanted kids. I never wanted kids, ever. My entire life so far I have had ZERO kid feelings. When I turned the age that you have to be to make the decision permanent I got all the info and was ready to do it, but my Husband said he would go to the dr. because lucky for us-the VA pays for it. So, no kids for us! Best decision, but our decision. I know its not a popular one. The important thing is – listen to your heart, so what will make YOU happy.

    On a side note, I haven’t been to the Doctors since 2003 and I’m at the 5 year mark for the womens health dr and I am terrified. Last time my husband brought up I should go I freaked out in insane crying that I couldn’t control (I even scared myself, it just aaalll came out). Those childhood traumas …

    Bottom line – YOURE NORMAL! 🙂

    S says:

    You are normal and of course you have to give yourself time to get use to that kind of new feeling. It is crazy; ))) Pain will pass but love will stay… sorry for the pink fluffy description! But all in all I think you will love. It sounds like the most Disneylike cliche to write “love will have a new meaning” – but sleep and me-time will have a totally new meaning too. And the balance is crazy, scary and so wonderful! You can do it 💪🏼😀🙏🏼❤️ I truly believe you’ll love that you gave it a chance; ))) and lucky little future person that you did! One day at a time will make you even stronger and happy 💜 enjoy.

    S says:

    I’m literally the same. The past year I’ve had baby fever (the time isn’t quite right for me but it will likely happen in the next 2-3 years).

    I also have a severe needle phobia and I am terrified about the doctor check ups and also about actually giving birth.

    I think it’s one of those things that you just DEAL with when it comes up, and then it’s over. And the more you do it, the less of a big deal it is.

    Eryn says:

    Oh man I love this so much! I’m 30 with a 1 year old and as much as I’ve always wanted to be a mom I put it off and off and off and off and it’s gigantic and I love when people admit to feeling that way instead of “super super super excited.” Our culture tells you to be just super excited because kids are the best thing ever. And I’m telling you – my daughter is the best thing ever – but she’s also the biggest thing ever. Total life change. Do I regret it? NO! 100% no. But its terrifying to consider. I was quite happy at 9 months pregnant to stay pregnant and enjoy married with dog life for just a couple more days.

    On the doctor note – there are SO many options with prenatal care. Pick someone who gets you. Look into midwives and doulas and less clinical-feeling options. There are some amazing people out there who can make the medical side of it as in-scary as can be.

    Love!

    I am 35 and I have a 3 1/2 year old and it is so awesome and fun. I love being a mom, and honestly for me, it is just all going too fast! One thing, I would say is I worried a lot (like the week before having the baby-that’s when it dawned on me) about childbirth and it was actually not bad at all, I enjoyed it. I did have a Dr. and a doula, and to top it off Cedars has a midwife on duty during the nights which is unique! I took a fantastic hypnobirthing class which I recommend highly.
    Lastly, we still love to travel and take our son, everywhere from France to India. We are even headed to Japan this Spring! I make a point to keep an adventurous life and reach out for my dreams in spite, the responsibilities of Motherhood, which are life-changing. One last fun thing has been getting to bond with other parents in new ways through having kids. Sounds like it is an exciting time in your life to be thinking about these things! Also….if you really want to avoid Drs. just wait until you’re in your 2nd trimester to confirm the pregnancy, like i did…oh wait, bad advice, hah 😉

    Ani Fesoj says:

    Hi Bri!

    Girl – are we the same person?! This post hit waaay too close to home, so I HAD to respond!

    I too have major medical phobias – mostly drawing blood and blood pressure (also due to childhood trauma). I’m 32 (also a Graphic Designer) and just a few days before Christmas my husband and I were discussing (for the millionth time!) if we were ready to start a family. Well, little did we know, we were already starting one. On Christmas eve, we found out we were expecting. WHOA!

    Since then, I’ve had to go for 4 – yes 4 blood tests. I cried the fist time, the second as well, but by the third and fourth time, it got a little easier.

    Everything about this pregnancy thing is freaking me out (if I’m being honest!). All the upcoming appointments, potential pain, complications, tests – you name it. I have also realized that these worries were the only thing preventing me from starting a family any sooner. Growing up, I always envisioned myself a mother, but as my medical fears grew, so did my resistance to having children – despite how much I convinced myself it was other things. Now, life has thrown me the most amazing curve ball (a super scary one, but amazing!), and I’m trying to see it as an opportunity to get over these fears.It’s one day at a time, but I am sure it will be worth it. The worries are definitely a daily thing, but I’m trying to let those thoughts pass through me – Headspace has been amazing in helping with this, by the way. When I saw your Insta story about your medical fears, it resonated with me so much, and helped me to look at the situation from an outside perspective.

    I know everything you’re feeling, and I’m right there with you. But I also believe that if starting a family is what you and your partner really want, you will find the strength to make it a reality – we both will!

    Becky says:

    Hi Bri,

    I am 30 and so not ready for kids. But there are other things I am ready for in life and I think it’s completely normal to feel this way. Honestly, if you weren’t feeling this way I would be concerned. The good parents are the ones that worry about being a good parent because they already care so much. My design teacher in college taught me that the head is too opinionated and the heart is too sensitive. Listen to your gut, it always knows best. I know that I don’t know you on a personal level, but I do feel a connection to you and I’ve been a follower and an admirer of you and your work for so long, and with that being said, I have no doubt in my mind that you would be an amazing mother. But also, don’t feel too pressured. Do what’s right for you and your guy. And another option is always adoption (I’m adopted so I’m biased). Whatever you choose and whatever you happen, just know you have a band of followers and admirers and people who believe in you. <3

    Rosario says:

    do it, you will definitely experience a new and more superlative way to love and be loved

    Deanna says:

    About the blood: I’ve had two kids now, and I HATE when I have to have my blood taken. And for some reason my veins seem very difficult for most people to find on the first try. I’ve accepted that I won’t get over it. So instead I have to focus on managing my anxiety, panic, and squeamishness to get through it. And it’s totally do-able. I have to start by accepting that those feelings just come with the territory for me and I tell myself over and over that I’m strong and resilient enough to deal. So even if you face this worst case scenario of the fear sticking around even after you’ve gone through the blood taking, take it from a fellow woman with a blood taking phobia: You can absolutely get through it.

    Emily says:

    So normal. And this perfect timing for this post. I just turned 32 and 2 of my best girlfriends are pregnant. My body tells me I need the baby but my brain logically says NOPE. I’m going through a lot of back and fourth too. But I met you would be a pretty good mom it you wanted to be!💛

    michelle schumaker says:

    Check out the blogger, love taza or rockstar diaries, (i can’t remember which one is her blog name). She has 3 kids and twins on the way and she travels with her kids all the time. she even has a blog about travel tips with kids

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